Crocs: Ugly. Plastic. Misshapen. Tacky. Uncomfortable. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. They’re even worse than this latest skinny jean fad. At least I’ve seen a few people who look good in skinny jeans. No one looks good in Crocs.

I am not Ms. Fashionista, but I am rather particular about footwear – both for me and the boys. It must be comfortable. And with two toddlers, it must be practical. Velcro! No laces. And washable. And not too thick-soled. And durable and versatile. And attractive.

But Jonathan wanted to buy the boys some Crocs. Why? Because “they’re the most germ-free shoes ever.”

We went back and forth for a few months. I even pointed out you can’t take Crocs on escalators because they get sucked in and kids have lost toes (in our neighborhood, even).

Finally I said, “Fine, buy them. But I will never once put them on their feet.” I thought this might deter him – noting that they would be wasted resources (he’s an economist, after all).

Alas. We now have a red pair and a blue pair. I did actually put them on their feet once just to see what they looked like. A little bit cute – but that’s because anything your kids wear is cute, right? – but mostly ridiculous.

So if you see my boys wearing Crocs, you’ll know I must have the day off.

Ha. That’s exactly my point.