The day that totally made Jonathan’s life

[I forgot to mention that we had invaluable help from a lactation consultant in the process of transitioning from bottle to nursing.]

We headed back to the lactation consultant for a follow-up visit this morning. She has an electronic scale that she weighs babies on before and after nursing to see exactly how much they’re ingesting. Which of course delights number-obsessed people such as Jonathan and myself. At the first appointment she weighed Silas, he drank for a while, she weighed him again, then we had Indisputable Scientific Proof that he was getting nourishment from me. Which was a huge relief to all parties.

So this time she sticks him on the scale, then inhales sharply and says to Jonathan and I, “Blecky whuptoid smucky smuck.” Or something like that. It was as if she had suddenly started speaking in tongues or something. Jonathan and I looked at each other in confusion, then back at her and said, “What??”

She said more slowly, “He’s... gained... too... much... weight. He’s... eating... too... much!”

Jonathan and I looked at each other again. Is she talking about one of our offspring? Eating too much? Gaining weight too quickly? What kind of nonsense is this?!

Silas was 6 and a half pounds, meaning in the 10 days since we had last seen her he had gained over a pound. He’s supposed to be gaining just shy of half a pound a week.

So, it’s off to Jenny Craig for tubby boy...

Then on the way home we were driving behind some sort of garbage truck that was spitting out all kinds of toxic fumes and dark gray pollutants. Polluting vehicles such as this infuriate Jonathan. He said he had seen the very same truck on the highway a few days earlier.

About a mile later he spotted a highway patrol car, pulled over, and told the cop about the Evil Polluting Truck. I thought the cop would just nod and go back to drinking coffee. Instead, he pulled out behind us, sped ahead, and pulled the guy over.

“Justice,” says Jonathan, terribly satisfied with himself and the world in general.